I try to be positive every day. I try to inspire, to motivate, to project happiness. But, what happens when that isn’t what I’m feeling? I’m reminded of an old childhood game I used to play. When I’m feeling like I am not in control and nothing is right then I need to take three GIANT steps back.
The online store did not work. While I had well over one thousand likes on the Facebook page, none of those likes ever converted to sales. I think maybe people need to see, touch and try on merchandise before they buy it. So, since it was costing more money to keep it open, I closed it. Then, there was infighting in terms of the physical store and the location. So, the best thing to do is shelve it for now. Facebook, Pinterest, and all that other stuff—too stressful right now. So, I disconnected from all of them. My personal life is in a bit of shambles right now. That is a bigger problem to fix. Sometimes, sadly, it can’t be fixed. We’ll have to just see. But, I need to get off the merry-go-round of trying to spin plates. I need to go back to center and start again. It is the only choice I have other than becoming some kind of alcoholic, or drug addict. Those are just temporary fixes which are a zillion times worse to get out of than if you just dealt with your problems to begin with. So, I will prioritize. Is my personal situation worth saving? Hard to tell right now. Sometimes what’s best for the kids and everyone involved is to go your own way. Too soon to say just yet. What about my professional life? Hard to say. The online store did not work. Trying to start a new venture with little support is never a good idea–especially when there is family turmoil. There are two times I feel peace in my life. The first is when I am writing. My thoughts free my mind of its stress and I always feel better after I’ve written something. But, it is very difficult to make a living from writing. The other time I feel peace is on a Monday morning for an hour and a half when I volunteer at my son’s school. I feel nice there. I can’t go back to teaching because high school is on a completely different schedule than elementary and I won’t have strangers in my house while my children are still sleeping. I won’t entrust the morning routine to someone who is not my blood relative and all my relatives work.
So, what to do with this life that has somehow spun out of control. Disconnect from social media. The haters are going to talk about me no matter what I do or what happens in my life so let them talk. Figure out how to exit the current marital situation if that is the last option and do what’s best for the kids. Step off the merry-go-round and have a little time out. Figure out “me” for a change and not “me” with kids, or “me” with husband. No. Me. Just me. If I can center myself then maybe I can figure out an answer. It might not be the most comfortable answer or the answer everyone wants to hear, but if it brings me peace then it’s the right answer. In the interim, I’ll keep the name and tagline of the blog as it is. Have a nice day.